I never know what to title these things.

I don't think I am cut out to be a working mom.  I know this is a period of adjustment for everyone but I have only worked four days and I feel like I've had my toll.  My house is a mess.  Daughter is having meltdowns. Husband and I seem to not be spending much time together because we seem to be spending so much time catching up on stuff during the week.  The sad thing is I'm only working three days a week.  Its part time.  Why is it so hard?  I definitly need to work on time management because if it keeps going this way its not going to work.  Have I mentioned how much I hate my boss?  She is driving met nuts.  I guess because we have known each other for so long she lets me see sides of her personality that she wouldn't let other employees see.  This also why its so hard for me to adjust to working.  I get home really stressed out even if I have done nothing just from dealing with her. 

So which one of my two readers would like to suggest some fiction books for me to read on the bus ride.  I think the reason I find it to be so miserable is because I have nothing to entertain me.  The people on the bus usually hate me because I am always blasting some type of metal on my ipod.  Which keeps people from sitting next to me.  YES!  There is no way I'm lowering the volume if it keeps people away from me.  hahahaha.  I really think there should be a smell-o-meter on the door of every bus and subway station because umm ewwwwww.  How the fuck do you think it is ok for you to go out in public if you smell like you haven't taken a shower in weeks?  By the way all that bling isn't taking the smell away.  ugh. yuck.  Nothing like being in confined space with someone who stinks for 30 minutes.  yuck.  I can't wait till we save up enough money for us to buy a small car.  Can't wait. 

Something I realized yesterday.  I loooooooove to play with make up.  And I'm constantly playing around with colors and practicing for that one day that never comes when we go out and do something fun as adults.  hahahahahahaha  You know what I haven't practiced NEUTRALS!  I was trying to do my make up for work and I stared at the neutral palette for a while and of course my attention was caught by the darkest browns. LOL.  So this week I will be playing around with the neutral palette and maybe I will have a neutral look for Friday. 

blah, blah, blah....blah, blah

After my experiences this week, I have decided that I don't care how broke I am, I wouldn't trade any of the decisions that I have made (even the bad ones) for all of the money in the world.  I have been talking to a friend from high school lately.  She is opening up her own business and offered me a job there.  Speaking to her on regular basis has reminded me of why she is not on my roster of closest friends.  At first I was a little jealous of her because she has been able to save up a bunch of money and is now able to invest a large sum of money in a new business.  But the more I talk to her, the more I feel sorry for her.  She has lived such a sheltered life she lacks a lot of common sense.  She is very naive and still kind of stuck in high school.  I rather be broke than be sooo naive.  Her naiveness is driving me crazy.  Tuesday was my first day working again and at the end of the day I was surprised that I had lasted 7 hours in a room with her and she made it out alive.

I have gone back to work.  So far, I have worked only two days but I'm already seeing how this is impacting my schedule.  Whats making it even harder is that husband has also been doing a lot of overtime.  Its been quite an adjustment.  Daughter is having a hard time.  She is so used to having me around all the time.  It seems to be breaking her.  She is misbehaving quite a bit.  This morning was the worst.  I am so not proud of the way I acted this morning.   I hate it.  I feel crappy.  I tried to make it up this afternoon but I don't feel I quite made up for the way I yelled at her.  I hope tomorrow morning goes better. 

You know something I hate, people who mutter when they talk.  SPEAK UP!  I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU!

I need girlfriends

more like a good token flamboyant gay friend.  Yep.   I went clothes shopping today.  I hate that when I ask my husband or my daughter "How do I look?"  The response I get is you look beautiful no matter what.  umm what?  No I don't.  I know you are lying.  I don't look beautiful and attractive all the time.  I wish I did but umm who are we kidding that is not true.  I tried on a few things.  Some of them fit, some didn't. I had to trust my best judgment.  Since not only am I beautiful all the time.   but that is not the worst part.  Husband did nothing but rush me.  It was Saturday stores were crowded.  Daughter  insisted on being next to me the entire time, had to pee a thousand times and was apparently starving as though she hadn't eaten in the past 3 months.  There is nothing I hate more than being rushed when I'm clothes shopping.  That is how I end up with something that I hate and I have to go return.   If I had girlfriends to shop with this wouldn't be an issue.  Or maybe if I hadn't stupidly lost my debit card last week,  husband wouldn't have so generously offered to come shopping with me.  I think next time I'll risk taking a big wad of cash. 

 Husband says I have changed.  Apparently I was more down to earth when we first met and now I am some kind of superficial valley girl who is only interested in looks. I wish I could explain to him that its quite the opposite.  I haven't changed.  I have just gone back to being me.  I'm not superficial at all, I just really happen to care about how I look.   I want to feel good when I walk down the street.  If I don't feel good walking down the street I loose my confidence. Which is actually what happened to me when I had daughter.   My body changed.  I didn't know how to dress it anymore.  I was so unhappy with my belly I used to wear clothes 3 sizes bigger.  I was convinced I was a FAT.  Then I started birth control and really became fat.  Gained about 35 lbs and I couldn't loose them.  I gave up.  I didn't care anymore.  I became a cautionary tale that desperately needed the help of one of those makeover shows on tv.  It was sad. 

Last year I lost the weight and I have kept it off.  Wohoo!  My body is never going to be what it used to be but now I don't hate it.   And with this new love of my body my old self came back.   I care about how I look.   I do my make up.   I want clothes to fit me right.  Aside from when I drag myself to drop daughter off at school at a quarter to 8.  I never leave the house looking crappy, although if you ask husband I look beautiful  first thing in the morning so who knows maybe I always leave the house looking fabulous. 

Trying this for the millionth time

I miss blogging but keeping up a blog is hard work. LOL  Hopefully this time I won't give up and delete it.